Bored of polls ? Yes? No ? Nuh know ?

This week (AND last week, AND the week before) Jamaican residents have been subjected to a barrage of political polls in our daily papers.

Even if you didn’t bother to buy a paper, you had to listen to dozens of analysts every day, on every radio station, telling you what the polls mean……

The only interesting thing that came out of this week’s polls was a possible explanation for why popular Observer columnist Mark Wignall and his celebrated 25 year old girlfriend, Chupski (aka Sharna Lynch) ended up in court recently for not licensing, insuring or passing their vehicle (I’m assuming it at least had gas in it….)

20041101T020000-0500 68633 Obs The Elusive Female Orgasm  1

It turns out that Mark is no longer the man in charge of the Stone polls, (an important source of income for him) and I’m sure that the job he still has – writing a newspaper column- doesn’t keep Chupski in lipstick, much less in high heels.

Here’s my poll question :-

Will Mark and Chupski break up because

(a) he leaves her for a younger woman ?

(b) she leaves him for a man with a job ?

(c) “great sex” can’t conquer “no money” ?

____________________________________________

In Tennessee Mary Winkler, the preacher’s wife who became world famous last March by shooting her husband in the back, gets out on bail. She claims she killed him because they were having money problems.

Poll question :-

Should preacher’s wives shoot them in the back when

(a) they are having money problems?

(b) they are no longer in love ?

(c) whenever they feel like it ?

“Blood Simple (Director’s Cut)” (Joel Coen, Ethan Coen)

____________________________________________

Back on Jamaica’s north coast another Bahia Principe worker dies (in a road accident), and Jamaica Tourist Board Chairman Dennis Morrison writes a tedious, self serving piece on the “hiccups” experienced by the massive hotel project.

Poll question:-

If a loved one is crushed to death while working on the construction of a hotel, how would you like them to be remembered

(a) as a hiccup ?

(b) as a poor man who couldn’t do better ?

(c) as the cause of a bureaucrat writing yet another tedious, self serving article ?

“Horror Hotel” (John Llewellyn Moxey)

____________________________________________

The New York Law Journal is reporting exciting news for fathers. A New York based Guyanese man was supporting the child of a woman he had a relationship with when he was in Guyana on holiday. He believed he was the father until the child was 5 years old and DNA tests proved otherwise. By this time the child and her mother were living in the U.S. AND he had married and had children with another woman.

Got that so far ? Now check this out. The child’s mother sued for child support. And despite the DNA test proving he was NOT the father, the Court of Appeals ruled that he should continue to pay child support.

Poll question :-

Should men be forced to support

(a) the children of any woman they have had sex with?

(b) the children of any woman who claims to have had sex with them?

(c) any child that calls them “Daddy”?

“Parenthood” (Ron Howard)

____________________________________________

Some Jamaicans are beginning to worry that the Cricket World Cup 2007 will not be all that we’ve been promised. They are worrying about those pesky details (hotel rooms available; transportation of tourists from resorts to cricket venues; security) that big men like World Cup Managing Director Chris Dehring have long since handed over to underlings like Robert Bryan (Local Organizing Committee).

Poll question:-

Should Chris Dehring declare Cricket World Cup 2007 a resounding success

(a) immediately ?

(b) after the event has taken place ?

(c) never ?

“Official Cricket World Cup 2003 Review” (Fremantle Home Entertainment)

____________________________________________

This week the Minister of State for Finance Fitz Jackson expressed annoyance with suggestions that the Government should pay public sector workers more, instead of giving money to PJ cronies and contractors. Meanwhile, the IDB announced that they would not make any new loans to the GoJ because Jamaicans are not getting “value for money” on projects already financed.

Poll question:-

Should the Government of Jamaica use multilateral debt to

(a) ensure that Dr. Vin Lawrence has a pleasant retirement ?

(b) ensure that Minister Omar Davies has a pleasant retirement ?

(c) ensure that Jamaicans born in 2050 will still be paying for all debt incurred now ?

“Life And Debt” (Stephanie Black (II))

____________________________________________

Polls in Trinidad this week showed that no matter who leads the warring Opposition party, the UNC, it has no chance of beating the ruling PNM in the election due next year. And in Guyana, the ruling Peoples Progressive Party (PPP) won a fourth term, just as the pollsters had predicted.

Poll question:-

Should polls be used to

(a) predict the results of elections ?

(b) fill up newspaper pages that could be better used covering crime, sports and entertainment ?

(c) keep Chupski properly attired ?

“True Lies” (James Cameron)

“sex, lies, and videotape” (Steven Soderbergh)

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